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from this long neglected attempt at blogging. Blah…

love,

~Wyn*.

Dear Amanda, I read “a mother’s confession” last night, had problems with the link and waited till now to finally listen to it.

I cried.

You sang:

“i feel so useless in this universe
i know i could be doing worse
i’m trying hard to stay at peace inside
i know it’s hard to be a parent
but my flaws are so gigantic
…i wonder if i should have had a child.”

This is me now, it doesn’t stop at the birth of a child. Being a mother was the hardest thing for me to do. I did it 6 times, Patrice, Sonya, Gavin, Novasara, Marilin and Phelan. Poor Patrice is #1, I didn’t know a thing about what I was doing, raising children is not a thing for those of weak heart. She fell out of her crib one afternoon because I forgot to put the side up. Sometimes it amazes me that any child survives their childhood. I was #1 for my mom. Especially when one is #1 child, they take the blunt of that inexperience. I finally understand at 65 why my Mommy sometimes cried.

I do feel useless in this universe, like I’m just along for the ride, too soon the time will come, that I will die. What have I done? I could have done worst and I am trying hard to stay at peace inside. My flaws are so gigantic… I wonder sometimes if I should have had children.

Marilin, #5

Then I see the postings on Facebook of my 6 children and I cannot help but be proud of them. They are the one great

#1 Son, Gavin

thing I did in my life time. We live so far apart most of us, seeing the grandchildren grow up through pictures and videos, beautiful, happy, healthy, funny, grandchildren. That’s my payback, though I have done nothing else of matter in this Universe at this time, at least the baby didn’t die.

Thank you,

Love & Light till Forever Ends,
~Wyn*.

Little kids… some are mine

Watching TV together

Marlin & Novasara, meeting kittens from Marilin’s mommakitty

Wyn and Seren

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